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| One week left. How terrifying.
I've got a dry run of pretty much the whole thing this week, tomorrow through Friday. Then it's one last weekend of cramming, some more cramming on Monday morning, and then we're driving off to Philly to check into the hotel sometime Monday afternoon.
A week and a half from now, the madness will all be over...
Assuming I pass.
The studying has actually been going fairly well the last couple weeks -- I feel like most of the major subjects are starting to gel in my head, and I have at least a tenuous grasp on the other subjects for PA and NJ. I was telling David the other day that it's like I've got all of the knowledge I'll need in a huge mass being held in precariously by rope nets, and every time something threatens to break free, I've got to jump on it and tamp it back down again... It gets a little exhausting sometimes.
But God is my refuge and strength... It's so easy to try to power through this all with sheer brute force, and to place my trust in my study schedules and stacks of flashcards. If I can only do another couple hundred multiple choice questions before next Tuesday, I'll pass. If I can manage to write another dozen or so essays before Tuesday, spotting all the right issues and parroting all the right rules, I'll pass. But that way lies madness... I just don't have the strength or the capacity on my own to handle all of this. So this summer has been an interesting lesson in the balance between discipline and grace, in how to really prioritize properly, in seeing God through this whole scary process. I don't know if I'll pass. But I do know that our God is a mighty God, and He has promised to never leave us or forsake us, and that's good enough for me. :)
One week left...
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| The other day, in my quest for bar exam flashcards, I ran across this gem of a blog: A Girl Walks Into a Bar (Exam). It was written by a girl taking the CA bar back in 2005, but is still so relevant... At times heartening (she took Sundays off from studying, and still passed!), and at times panic-inducing (she did how many practice multiple choice questions? and got how many right??), but mostly just humorous and worth a good 15-minute internet study break from time to time.
Anyways, last night, I ran across this entry. The text of it is as follows:
And then I went to the "Clown Code of Ethics" link. I got to about "I will learn to apply my makeup in a professional manner," when I started giggling uncontrollably. I mean, just imagine this with me for a moment. I'm sitting in the hotel ballroom for the PA essay day, and I get a professional responsibility question, and handle it like this:
Q: Larry Lawyer was representing A in a civil lawsuit, but never returned A's phone calls, and missed a filing deadline in the case. What, if any, rules of professional conduct did Larry violate?
A: Larry should have learned to apply his makeup in a professional manner. He also should not have drunk alcoholic beverages while in his clown costume and makeup. Lastly, he should have been trying harder to appear in as many clown shows as possible.
Okay, yes, it's not really that funny. But as I was picturing this, the floodgates burst -- I was laughing uncontrollably for several minutes, and crying at the same time, as I was trying to explain to David why exactly this was so funny. Poor guy, he was trying to track with me, in the way that you humor a crazy person, to make sure she doesn't attack you or something...
I've never experienced hysteria quite like that before. Sure, I've had plenty of late night, sleep-deprivation-driven belly laughs with friends, and I've certainly gone jittery with caffeine- and stress-induced nervousness, but the uncontrolled physical reactions last night were something new...
Later, I came across this entry:
By the way, I've noticed that every personal e-mail I sent now is
loaded with multiple exclamation marks. As in, "That's great news that
the vet bill was less than you expected!!!" or "I haven't talked to him
in forever!!!!"
I think this is either (1) my subconscious
trying to somehow convey the message "HELP ME MY BRAIN IS
EXPLODING!!!!" or else (2) it's my social etiquette monitor coming
through and saying, "If I add a lot of exclamation points it will
express enthusiasm and possibly camouflage my completely inability to
care about anything you are telling me because all I can think about is
the Barzam!!!!!!!"
The giggles and tears threatened a comeback, so I read the entry to David -- this time, eliciting an honest chuckle. I think that'll have to be my yardstick for the next two and a half weeks. If David laughs with me, then I'm not completely crazy. If I'm laughing alone, in the face of his concerned puzzlement, then it's time to take a real break from the studying...
PS: One other very, very valuable thing I've gleaned from my perusal of this blog -- she posted a document of her mnemonics for the bar. Some of them are CA-specific, but there are lots of great MBE mnemonics available, many of which, in my opinion, are way better than the ones Bar/Bri came up with. Go here for the link, if you're interested!
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| One of my guilty pleasures these last several months has been the
internet phenomenon of "lolcats" -- pictures of cats, and other cute
animals, with silly captions included. Sometimes witty, sometimes just
plain weird, always bring a smile to my face... Check out I Can Has Cheezburger
for a fairly representative collection -- there's just something about
animals with funny facial expressions, "speaking" in broken baby-talk
English, that I really, really enjoy. Here are several of my
favorites:
 
 
So the other day, I discovered a facebook group, "Bar Exam Lolcats."
It's BRILLIANT. Again with the cats, the funny facial expressions and
body positions, and baby-talk, but this time, it's with various
black-letter law concepts and Bar/Bri mnemonics. So really, it's a
teaching tool. A study aid. They help me remember the concepts,
really! I mean, take a look at some of them:
 
 
And, of course, the "lolrus" (i.e., lol + walrus). Here's the original:
And here's the dorky law student version:
Good times... So okay, yes, I'm totally a dork for thinking these are hilarious... But at least there's a facebook group full of people like me. So I'm not that much of a loser, am I?
Okay, okay, back to studying... And by "studying," I don't mean trolling the internet for more funny pictures of cats that can conceivably be tagged with a bar-related caption... | | |
| I'm halfway through my Bar/Bri course now, and realizing that I have just a little over a month before the first day of the bar exam... And I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a slump these days -- sometimes, I feel like there's just no way I can get all of the information shoved into my head before July 24, and that I must be crazy for trying to take two bar exams concurrently. :P Bear with me as I vent a little bit...
For the national multistate day (200 multiple choice questions), I'm responsible for knowing the majority law on six subjects. For the Pennsylvania day (essay questions), I have to know the PA distinctions on the six national subjects, plus the PA law on fourteen more subjects. For the New Jersey day (more essay questions), I have to know the six national subjects, plus the NJ law on ten more subjects. Thankfully, the NJ essay day has historically only been on the six national subjects plus civil procedure. But for the PA essay day (which is my first day of testing), everything is fair game...
It's just so much information to have to painstakingly file away in my brain. And the thing is, I'm not convinced I know how to study for it... I'm listening to lectures, taking notes, writing up "digest" versions of my notes, and doing practice multiple choice and essay questions, but is this the most efficient use of my time? Am I doing what I should be doing to memorize all of the things I need to memorize? Should I buy pre-packaged bar exam flashcards to drill myself further, or is reading and rereading my notes enough? Do any of you have any suggestions on how best to study and retain information?
And in one very real sense, all of this is so silly... I shouldn't be freaking out so much about the bar. But there you have it -- I'm still pretty scared. You'd think I would have learned by now to cede control over my worries, hopes, fears to God... Lord knows I've been in innumerable such situations before, and God has always been so faithful.
I also feel a little silly asking for prayer for my studying and taking the bar exam... There are, after all, so many other, worse, bigger things that we should be praying for. And this is, in many ways, an inherently selfish request -- prayer for my peace of mind, my ability to stay focused and calm, my endurance to the end of next month. But I do still covet your prayers.
This all puts me in mind of a Jennifer Knapp song, "Faithful to Me." I had it on repeat my first year of law school, and it's definitely appropriate for my life now...
All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them all wash away
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I see
I'm reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me
All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly
For a faith to be faithful to me
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I see
I'm reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me
You're the only one who's faithful to me
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| OK, so I've been feeling completely swamped by my bar review course, and the sheer amount of material to learn, understand, and memorize... As was likely evidenced in my last update. :) So yesterday afternoon, I took a break from the notes I was reviewing and went with David for a walk down Nassau Street. We ran into Helen Dorini while we were out in town -- Helen is David Kim's sister, a Princeton alumna, law school graduate, former DC lawyer, currently mother of two adorable little boys and a one-month-old baby girl. When she asked how we were doing, I, as per usual, said something about how the bar review was a little overwhelming (side note: I really should stop defining myself by the bar exam, huh?). She commiserated, but then said -- "You know, I thought that the bar exam was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You're so exhausted by the end of the summer. But then I had a baby. And really, taking care of a newborn? That's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do!"
So okay. Maybe studying for the bar isn't really all that bad. :)
On a more serious note, we're continuing to pray for Sonia Lee '06. For those of you not on the Manna alumni list -- Sonia was recently diagnosed with acute leukemia, and is in the hospital out in Korea. The prayer email updates have been somewhat more encouraging the last day or two, but she's still very much in critical condition. Please join us in praying for her!
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